How does the Kinsey scale apply in India?

A rumble came over the crowd as we entered the outdoor auditorium, packed with students since it was a school dance competition dedicated to the daughter of a CRHP nurse who had passed away in an auto accident a couple years back. We made our way to the front to our usual designated seats with the rest of the CRHP staff as the crowd got more excited after noticing the 6’4” white doctor Wout, from Holland. Among dance contestants in all costumes, including many boys who dressed in saris and danced as girls, the winner was a boy dressed as the PM Manmohan Singh, dancing with a cane and making fantastic facial expressions. During the following winners dance, a roar erupted as Wout, David (American student), and I were pulled up on stage to dance with the boy, stunned as we attempted to move our bodies in front of over two thousand people.

Common to most events, all boys were seated to the left and girls to the right, with a small wooden fence separating them. No fence was needed, though, as the divide between male and female was bigger than just the auditorium. By the fifth dance, all the boys were on the feet, crowding the front and dancing in place and with each other. All were screaming, singing, jumping on each others shoulders, and yelling to get our attention. The girls, however, were all seated in rows, some with their mothers, calmly watching the show and making little reaction, only at times mouthing the words to a song they knew. Sometimes they would peer to the boy’s side and vice-versa, almost curious what it was like on the other side.

Interaction between male and female is minimal and only rarely do I see boys and girls talking or playing with each other, outside of being married or related. Sexuality is rarely discussed and fear exists not only between sexes but even in what happens to your own body, a trend the adolescent girls program at CRHP is changing. Nonetheless, having a boy or girlfriend before marriage does occur, yet it is kept very secretive and both parents and friends rarely know. A friend of mine had a girlfriend for two years when he was twenty one that neither his nor her parents knew about. Despite knowing that she would soon be married off, he loved her even though they rarely saw each other. He told me that often they would look at the other’s school picture while talking on the phone or eating dinner at their homes. They had kissed but sexual relations ended at that, a theme common even in their private intimacy since sexuality is so taboo. Public display of affection rarely is shown and not one couple, married or unmarried, have I seen kiss at all since arriving in Jamkhed, except for my three day trip to Mumbai (where eight hours from Jamkhed can take you into a different world).

The difference in sexuality and intergender relations is fascinating, as most boys are not married until age 22-26. These boys go through the peak years of puberty and adolescence in a state of confusion and sexual fear, bottling up that energy and seeming at times to translate it into their relationships with male friends. Often male friendships are very physical, very touchy, grabbing and loving, past the holding hands and hugging that is also seen in other countries. I find my own level of comfort challenged as friends rub my arm or hand, whisper in my ear very close, or rest their head on my chest while I sit, massaging my neck. Stories are also often told of male friends entering physical relationships with each other in the sheer curiosity of what sexuality is. Nevertheless, when relations between partners and what happens to your own body is not discussed, sexuality gets pushed to the foreground and stigmatized.

As you watch these boys at the competition dance and sing with each other, it is only natural to wonder how much is attributable to a different culture and how much a drastic difference in the relationship between boys confused about sexuality. It is as if the boys are strained to release the sexual tension built up during the most sexual years of their lives, taking it out in odd ways in their relationships with men and perhaps equally affecting their future relationship with their wife, confused about the intimacy that often accompanies marriage.

There does seem to be a shift occurring in this generation, as exposure to western influence increases and Bollywood movies made easily accessible. In addition, attention is being paid to sexual education by NGOs and schools as the issue has additionally become about personal sanitation and health. One NGO I recently visited has worked with local schools to create sexual education classes not only for boys and girls, but another technique which received a very positive response - for students and their parents.