How does the Kinsey scale apply in India?

A rumble came over the crowd as we entered the outdoor auditorium, packed with students since it was a school dance competition dedicated to the daughter of a CRHP nurse who had passed away in an auto accident a couple years back. We made our way to the front to our usual designated seats with the rest of the CRHP staff as the crowd got more excited after noticing the 6’4” white doctor Wout, from Holland. Among dance contestants in all costumes, including many boys who dressed in saris and danced as girls, the winner was a boy dressed as the PM Manmohan Singh, dancing with a cane and making fantastic facial expressions. During the following winners dance, a roar erupted as Wout, David (American student), and I were pulled up on stage to dance with the boy, stunned as we attempted to move our bodies in front of over two thousand people.

Common to most events, all boys were seated to the left and girls to the right, with a small wooden fence separating them. No fence was needed, though, as the divide between male and female was bigger than just the auditorium. By the fifth dance, all the boys were on the feet, crowding the front and dancing in place and with each other. All were screaming, singing, jumping on each others shoulders, and yelling to get our attention. The girls, however, were all seated in rows, some with their mothers, calmly watching the show and making little reaction, only at times mouthing the words to a song they knew. Sometimes they would peer to the boy’s side and vice-versa, almost curious what it was like on the other side.

Interaction between male and female is minimal and only rarely do I see boys and girls talking or playing with each other, outside of being married or related. Sexuality is rarely discussed and fear exists not only between sexes but even in what happens to your own body, a trend the adolescent girls program at CRHP is changing. Nonetheless, having a boy or girlfriend before marriage does occur, yet it is kept very secretive and both parents and friends rarely know. A friend of mine had a girlfriend for two years when he was twenty one that neither his nor her parents knew about. Despite knowing that she would soon be married off, he loved her even though they rarely saw each other. He told me that often they would look at the other’s school picture while talking on the phone or eating dinner at their homes. They had kissed but sexual relations ended at that, a theme common even in their private intimacy since sexuality is so taboo. Public display of affection rarely is shown and not one couple, married or unmarried, have I seen kiss at all since arriving in Jamkhed, except for my three day trip to Mumbai (where eight hours from Jamkhed can take you into a different world).

The difference in sexuality and intergender relations is fascinating, as most boys are not married until age 22-26. These boys go through the peak years of puberty and adolescence in a state of confusion and sexual fear, bottling up that energy and seeming at times to translate it into their relationships with male friends. Often male friendships are very physical, very touchy, grabbing and loving, past the holding hands and hugging that is also seen in other countries. I find my own level of comfort challenged as friends rub my arm or hand, whisper in my ear very close, or rest their head on my chest while I sit, massaging my neck. Stories are also often told of male friends entering physical relationships with each other in the sheer curiosity of what sexuality is. Nevertheless, when relations between partners and what happens to your own body is not discussed, sexuality gets pushed to the foreground and stigmatized.

As you watch these boys at the competition dance and sing with each other, it is only natural to wonder how much is attributable to a different culture and how much a drastic difference in the relationship between boys confused about sexuality. It is as if the boys are strained to release the sexual tension built up during the most sexual years of their lives, taking it out in odd ways in their relationships with men and perhaps equally affecting their future relationship with their wife, confused about the intimacy that often accompanies marriage.

There does seem to be a shift occurring in this generation, as exposure to western influence increases and Bollywood movies made easily accessible. In addition, attention is being paid to sexual education by NGOs and schools as the issue has additionally become about personal sanitation and health. One NGO I recently visited has worked with local schools to create sexual education classes not only for boys and girls, but another technique which received a very positive response - for students and their parents.

Blessed by drops from the Ganges, then paying 100 rupees for it

Varanasi – the city of Shiva, one of the holiest places in India and one of the oldest cities in the world. Mark Twain wrote that ‘Varanasi is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together’. It is a city centered around 80 ghats lining the Ganges and inviting Indians from all parts to bathe in the brown and trash-filled water said to wash away sins. At the Manikarnika Ghat, I watched the cremation ceremony of five people at the same time, burnt at varying distance from the Ganges relative to caste. All, however, have being freed from the cycle of reincarnation as long as their ashes make it into the Ganges and past the goats and dogs sifting through and looking for something to nibble on.

Life here revolves around the Ganges, as residents come to say prayers, bathe, wash clothes, light candles, take boat rides, wash their buffalo, meditate, and hold festivals along the river. The sight of such religious ferocity attracts visitors from all countries and makes Varanasi one of the destination spots for most travelers to India, especially for those who come searching for a spiritual awakening. The arrival of many laid-back, soul-searching foreigners has also attracted business-oriented Indians and has given Varanasi the reputation of being a city of scams, a reputation that my experience upheld. I spent one day in Varanasi yet felt harassed for money consistently and scammed at least four times.

“I cannot take you physically to Shanti Guest House because rickshaws are not allowed there but I can take you to Yogi Guest House, which is also in your book,” the rickshaw driver told me as I got off the train. I checked, agreed and after putting my bags into the room I headed out to walk to the Ganges, a supposedly five-minute walk from the hotel. After twenty minutes of walking, I came to realize that this was not the hotel I had been told about. There were at least eight guest houses named Yogi and I was staying in the ‘Old Yogi GH.’ I walked back furious and found the hotel packed with tourists, four more who had arrived since I left. I stopped one girl outside the hotel and asked her if she knew that she had also been scammed.
“Yeah, I realized that four hours after I arrived but I don’t really care.”
“Really,” I said, “it makes me rather upset.”
“Well, me too, but they are nice guys and very relaxed, and they set me up with some really nice bud [marijuana] so I don’t mind. I don’t know how long exactly I am staying for but it’s cool.”
That seemed to be the attitude of most guests and the way that Old Yogi got away with this scheme. Foreign visitors did not want to argue but rather get along with the people and attributed the confusion to culture. It made me even more upset that not only was he tricking tourists into his guesthouse but that this scam was only encouraged by their actions in going along with it.

I quickly picked up my bags from my room and walked out of the hotel 1.5 hours after I had dropped my stuff off. Before I could leave, I was pulled back in by the manager, who asked why I was going and demanding 150 rupees for the room I had booked. I refused to pay since I had been blatantly lied to about the room and had only been there 1.5 hours, which began an hour-long argument. His attempts to physically intimidate me or threatening to cancel my visa only made me more upset and eventually we called the US Embassy to resolve the issue. “You can do two things,” she said on the phone, “either call the police who will come and spend the next three hours with the two of you, or pay him the 150 rupees and move on, regardless of who is correct.” Getting involved with the police, however, was not something I wanted to do, considering I had been previously told not even to stop and help a car that had gotten in an accident because the police would eventually come and harass you not only for time and endless questions but money as well.

This was the first but not the last scam. Later it was at the Ganges, when a man put flowers and a candle into my hand, a red dot on my forehead and said a prayer for my family, enforcing at the time that it was free and he was a religious man. After finishing and while wetting his hands with the Ganges and spraying it onto my head, he told me that unless I gave him money there would be a curse on my family. Also there was the boy who worked on the boat given by the hotel to its guests for free morning rides to view the Ganges at sunrise, who pulled at our clothes incessantly asking for money. Or the man who came and stood at my side while was watching the cremations, explaining the different castes being burnt and then asking for money since “the information was not free.” Or the second hotel attendant who had told me the night before that I could keep my bags in my room until I had to leave at 7pm, although checkout time was at noon, yet the next day claiming he told me to put it in the storage room and for that he needed 100 rupees.

It was a frustrating day in Varanasi yet supportive of a trait characteristic of northern Indians as more aggressive and direct than southerners. This trait was expressed to me as early as six months back by my neighbor on the plane ride from the U.S. and then further while living in Jamkhed. A tension seems exist between the north and south that began as early as 1500 BC with the Aryan invasion from Afghanistan. Not only did the Aryans push the Dravidians (an advanced tribe inhabiting northern India at the time) into the mountainous regions of the south but they also brought the caste system, a feature initially based on color (Dravidians were darker skinned). The clearest difference that exists presently is language as southern languages (ie. Tamil) are of Dravidian origin and northern ones (ie. Hindi) of Sanskrit base. The north and south have progressed at different rates as the prosperity of the south has come on trade and the north more on politics. I have not yet been able to travel through most southern states but the change in feeling as I traveled limitedly throughout the north was apparent.

Welcome to the Himalayas

Wedged in between two men in a three-row minivan, the twenty Nepali’s and I rode over and around mountains. The road was windy and the driver was not hesitant to take the turns far too quickly, probably accounting for the one bus every three weeks that tips over the mountain and certainly accounting for the girls in the row in front of and behind me burying their faces in plastic bags with uncontrollable vomit. The breath of cold but fresh air was very much welcomed when their mothers would open the window to throw the bags onto the street. The mountains were thick green and covered in agriculture ridges, so that the mountains looked like steps rather than slopes, a tribute to the fantastic job in creating viable farmland in difficult farming conditions. The green farmlands were often dotted with different colors and shades, due to the varied crops or a group of red and yellow houses that constituted a mini-village. They also gave an incredible view on the three-hour journey from Kathmandu to Dhadingbesi, the capital of Dhading district where my Paideia friend Jessie Kaplan was stationed for her ten month stint working at a local school.

To get to her house from Dhadingbesi was an hour and a half trek up a mountain to visit her host-family. We climbed on trails through farmland and forest and along ridges that wound around steep rocky hills, past houses made of red, yellow and grey stones and “namaste”ing the small Nepali women carrying straw baskets strapped to their heads, going up until we arrived at her home. The home was large for a typical Nepali family but what seemed to be typical for Brahmin’s as they were - the first floor made up of the kitchen and the second floor storage, with a small side room for beds. The view was included on all “mountain homes” but it was only the more awesome with goats and chickens hopping around your feet and buffalos and cows eating on grass in the shed next door, waiting to be milked. The family owned farmland but the father was a teacher, so workers were hired to take care of the crops as the mother cared for the house and the livestock.

The experience was refreshing compared with the oncoming heat in Jamkhed, yet the effect of the mountains was highlighted the next day when I visited Anandaban Hospital, a hospital run and started by Leprosy Mission International dedicated to the physical and social rehabilitation of leprosy patients, but also serving all non-leprosy patients. Sakala, a Nepali friend from the two-month diploma course, gave me the tour of the facility, showed me the difference between multi- and pauci-bacillary leprosy, and discussed the difficulties in the holistic treatment of leprosy, accounting for Nepal being one of the few countries that has yet to eradicate leprosy (meaning a prevalence rate < 1 per 10,000).

While leprosy can be detected early, most patients live in villages where, like in Dhading, they walk great distances daily, often uphill, carrying food and water and causing great toll on their bodies. If they contract leprosy, they often hide it for fear of stigma and the need for hospitalization, which affects income. So they wait to report skin lesions, continuing to strain their body and causing eventual deformities since they can't feel their formation. Eventual, the deformities are too hard to ignore and too evident for the community to keep quiet and they are forced to go to the hospital where they remain for an average of twelve weeks for multibacillary treatment.

Five days were spent in Nepal in order to renew my Indian visa, three of which were spent in Kathmandu itself. Throughout my stay and through conversation, it became clear how difficult the situation seems to be in Nepal. The civil war and new Maoist government has spurred the creation of numerous rebel gangs and groups, responsible for murders of journalists, robberies and often for the strikes that seem to inundate Nepal – during my stay it was by road workers who had shut down the main road from Nepal to China. “There are no government programs that effectively assist the needy population in Nepal,” one man told me. While he may be exaggerating, the lack of government intervention is evident as there is no food program for farmers in Dhading, as Anandaban hospital lacks sufficient government funding, and as I had to cover my nose while walking through Kathmandu since trash was collected on the side of roads in huge dirty piles with pigs and dogs scrounging through them searching for food. Nepal, though, was a beautiful country (with equally beautiful women) and my limited stay was very enjoyable.