Auspicious time of the year = A lot of weddings

I entered the massive outdoor auditorium and found myself among three thousand other people, with the women on the right side and the men on the left. This wedding was held in Beed, a town one hour from Jamkhed, and I soon came to understand that most of these guests did not know either family getting married but were either from the same village or they had a friend who was. Celebrating your marriage with as many people as possible is not only good luck for the marriage but is good for status and social clout. Most weddings do not lack for a rise in social standing. The couple was also fortunate to have held their wedding on what was declared an ‘auspicious day’ by the ancient Hindu scripture.

There are many auspicious days in December and when combined with cooler weather it breeds a perfect time for weddings. Since the end of November, I have attended five weddings, four of which were arranged-marriages and of equal caste. In only two of them did I know the bride or groom yet in each, upon entry, I have been escorted to the front of the crowd to sit in chairs designated for the family I did not know or for special guests. My presence as a white person at weddings is an excellent sign of status for the families and often guests watch me rather than the wedding taking place. As the honored guest, I am often swarmed by people wanting to take photos, children wanting to shake my hand, and men with a tad too much to drink who want to test their English. The benefit is that I have an awesome view of the ceremony and am assured that I will be taken care of, in terms of both food and entertainment.

Weddings are typically paid for by the bride and her family, along with the dowry that the bride gives. In order to please the groom and his family, the wedding needs to showcase as much opulence and wealth as possible. Wedding saris (Indian dresses) are pieces of artwork and are inlayed with gold and have incredible stitch work in vibrant reds and blues. The dowry gifts given to the groom are often on display and have included refrigerators, cars, motorcycles, plates and dishes, and pure gold. The dowry also often includes acres of land, animals and houses that are not found at the ceremony. At the nicer weddings, gifts are also provided for each and every guest. Women usually receive a sari (surprisingly one-size-fits-all) where as for men, food and sweets or cloth suffice.

The most exciting thing about the wedding is the food, as each guest is expected to eat until they burst, a luxury also administered by the wife’s family. I have heard that guests attend weddings simply for the food and in the car on the way there people often discuss their excitement and anticipation for the delicious food. The nicer the food and set-up, the wealthier the family. The most high-caste wedding I attended offered a buffet of platters from not only around India but around the world. Tandoori chicken, Malaysian stir fry, Rajasthani snacks, Kashmiri curry, and Italian ice cream & dessert were all at peak freshness. And each guest had a server who carried your plate and walked with you, suggesting the best food and standing next to your table until you were ready for seconds. At a Jain wedding, there was a fruit bar that not only offered fresh fruit but fresh juices. Even at the least-opulent wedding in a local village, each of the thousand guests ate rice, daal, veggies, chapatti and jilebi (sugar-filled jellies) on a banana leaf plate to their heart’s content.

An ultimate show of wealth and tradition is the entry of the groom. At the Jain wedding, the groom arrived on a horse covered in jewelry and fabric. Before entering the hall, first his and then her family blessed him by feeding him, covering him with water and colored paste/powder, and whispering words of blessing in his ear. Simultaneously, a hired band played in front of the horse with men and boys dancing, of which I joined and was taught how to dance in the Maharashtrian way.

What I have yet to observe are the traditions that take place for days before the wedding ceremony. These events are reserved for family and customs vary by caste, religion, state and village. In most Hindu marriages a wedding pole is made and the bride and groom walk around it seven times in a counter-clockwise direction to sanctify the marriage. These poles are fascinating and intricately carved with symbols and stories that mean more than I understand. In some traditions, I have heard that both the bride and groom are forced to sit on stage as family and friends give them a hard time through jokes and make fun of them through stories, similar to the best man grilling the groom in America.

Following the wedding ceremony is a departure party for the bride and her family. Since the bride goes to live with her husband and his family following marriage, it can often be months or years before the daughter sees her family again. This day is often filled with joy and sadness. Yet all these events bring together friends, family, fellow villagers and me in heaps to celebrate the marriage.