Response, Reflection and the Traveler’s Dilemma

I wanted to post in response to a comment left by Sheila after the last post on the sasu. If you haven’t read her response, then you can find it by clicking here. I appreciate the feedback and do encourage honest assessment like this from all the readers. It’s not easy to write to someone (and especially on a blog) and portray a point that is counter to the writer but I do think it is important and can serve a much greater purpose than simply rethinking what it is that I wanted to write.

The fact is that all the things I see and learn here are very complex and India is much more of a new world than just a new country. The culture and history here is something that even if I had lived here for twenty years I still would not understand. The subtleties in many Marathi words spoken in Jamkhed is something that even a native Marathi speaker from a Marathi village 15 hours away would not understand. As such, there are many things that as a person who has not grown up here will never understand. This is not to excuse being culturally-ignorant and making broad judgments but it is to say that my blog is not meant to describe the complex intricacies of Indian culture and life. My blog is a method of reflecting on the experiences I am going through here and displaying my own viewpoint on issues that I am learning about and have not yet before been involved with.

I do appreciate the comments and now realize what I wrote can be construed offensively. “Terror of the Sasu” seems to be more of a horror movie than a cultural commentary and certainly there is more to the sasu than just being a terror on the family. The fact that the sasu lives with her son in the first place resembles the strength of the Indian family and the unity that family members hold from generation to generation. The assistance that the mother-in-law provides in raising the children and caring for the home also allows the wife to work/improve her life outside of the home in order to create a better life within the home for herself and her children. And in some instances the mother-in-law relates to and helps the wife in family life and if there are difficulties with the husband. In my earlier characterization of the sasu, I did mean to make it somewhat dramatic and there certainly is a fine line between being pensive and ignorant. I see how my desire to at times be descriptively-exciting can cross the line into hidden meanings and misunderstandings. But it was the radical difference in the sasu’s role in Indian families versus American families that I hoped would come across in the post.

In my three months since I have arrived in Jamkhed, I have heard and read how abusive the sasu can be to the wife. She can create an unhealthy household with a wife who feels trapped and alone, with very little room to turn and no opportunity to peacefully escape, and a husband who is stuck between choosing between his wife and mother. The sasu’s control on many aspects of family life, from how to raise her grandchild to what rooms the wife is allowed to enter during menstruation is that aspect that I do find terrifying. I also wanted to raise the point that CRHP has done great work in changing this difficult family dynamic. As was seen in that hospital experience, Dr. Arole and others seemed to realize that proper health cannot be targeted without including the mother-in-law in family conversations. Through their work they have created these women’s groups where previously-taboo and stigmatized issues like these can be raised without fear of retribution. And now the wives take oaths to be caring to their future daughters-in-law. It is that remarkable aspect of CRHP that I wanted to come across in the post.

The struggle than many visitors to CRHP Jamkhed seem to face is to continually look at the project with an observatory eye without placing our western and personal judgment on what we are seeing, even after months of being here. It is that aspect that in general is most difficult about traveling, but also what makes it so important and rewarding. Visiting new cultures and learning from other people is a fantastic way to open up your mind to new ideas, new ways of life and different forms of happiness and suffering. Traveling pushes you to be accepting of others and appreciating differences rather than judging them.

And there is a fine (but important) line between being culturally-mindful while also maintaining a critical viewpoint on universal values that need to be held by everyone. It is hard to dismiss things that I find wrong (regardless of where I am) as simply being a part of the culture, thus letting it stand as is. This happens in many cases, whether it is the abundant alcoholism in the area or throwing trash on the ground and out windows. And for me it very much held true in the case of the sasu, where it becomes an issue of the wives rights being trampled on because she is trapped to remain a part of the family. It is also that fine-line that I may at times smudge when I do not give the full background to the situation presented.

I hope this blog serves (and has served) to be both a reflection of what I’m experiencing here in India and add some explanation to some of the major differences of Indian versus American life. I try to convey my viewpoints to display my personal values intertwined with this new and unique culture, while being mindful of universal rights. It is this active dialogue with those interested that I very much love, enjoy and appreciate. And if you have any questions or feel I have offended in future posts, I ask that you also let me know so I can clarify if need be. I do enjoy the dialogue and look forward to more.